Have you ever fired back at an email and regretted it almost immediately? Gone quiet during a difficult conversation? Or found yourself lying awake at night, replaying something that happened hours earlier?
I want to share something that might help you understand why these things happen.
Your brain has a built-in alarm system. When it senses a threat, it can react incredibly quickly, often before the thinking part of your brain has had a chance to catch up.
And that's by design. This alarm system has helped humans survive for a very long time.
The trouble is, it can't always tell the difference between a snake in the shed and a curt email from your boss. Both can trigger a sense of danger, even though the situations are very different.
Watch the video below or continue reading:
Why We React Before We Think
When your brain's alarm goes off, your ability to think clearly, plan and reason can become harder to access in that moment.
And that's when we might fire back. Or go quiet. Or lie awake replaying a conversation from three o'clock that afternoon.
Perhaps you've experienced one of these reactions yourself.
You receive a message that feels critical, and before you've had time to consider what the other person meant, you've already drafted a defensive response.
Or you're in a conversation that makes you uncomfortable, and suddenly, you can't find the words you want to say.
Sometimes, the conversation ends, but your mind keeps going. You replay what happened, think about what you should have said and wonder whether you handled it badly.
These reactions can be frustrating, particularly when we know we'd prefer to respond differently.
But I want you to remember this: it doesn't automatically mean something is wrong with you.
What you're feeling can be a completely normal response to what you're experiencing.
What Can You Do When Your Alarm Goes Off?
Here's a simple place to start.
The next time you feel that familiar rise of frustration, anxiety or defensiveness, try naming it quietly to yourself.
“That's my alarm.”
That's it.
You don't need to fix everything immediately. You don't need to force yourself to feel calm. And you certainly don't need to judge yourself for having a reaction.
Just notice what's happening.
By naming the experience, you create an opportunity to step back from the immediate feeling and bring your attention to what's happening in the present moment.
It gives your thinking brain a way back in.
Give Yourself a Moment Before Responding
When I talk about building mental fitness, I'm interested in the small skills we can practise in everyday life.
This is one of them.
The next time an email catches you off guard or a conversation leaves you feeling unsettled, try these simple steps:
Notice what's happening. Am I feeling defensive, anxious, frustrated or overwhelmed?
Name it. Quietly tell yourself, “That's my alarm.”
Pause. Give yourself a moment before replying, withdrawing or trying to solve the problem.
Choose your next step. Ask yourself how you'd like to respond, rather than automatically following your first impulse.
You won't get it right every time, and that's okay. The point isn't to eliminate your reactions. It's to become more aware of them and practise responding in ways that serve you better.
The Skill Is in What You Do Next
We can't always control what triggers our brain's alarm system. But we can learn to recognise when it's activated and give ourselves a better chance of responding thoughtfully.
So, the next time you catch yourself firing back, going quiet or replaying a conversation long after it's finished, try not to be too hard on yourself.
Start by noticing.
Say to yourself, “That's my alarm.”
Then give yourself a moment to decide what comes next.
Because sometimes, that small moment of awareness can make a real difference in how we navigate the challenges of everyday life.
Until next time, take care of yourself and keep building your mental fitness.